Your Coffee Order Is a Window to Your Soul

Psychologists spend years studying personality. We spent considerably less time doing that — but we have spent a lot of time in coffee shops, and we're confident in our findings. Your coffee order is basically a personality test you take every morning without realising it.

Read on to discover what your go-to brew says about the real you. (All findings are affectionately unscientific.)

The Orders & What They Mean

☕ Black Coffee

You are efficient, no-nonsense, and mildly intimidating at morning meetings. You've read at least one book about stoicism. You own a good watch. You once said "I don't need sugar" in a tone that suggested a deeper philosophy. People respect you, but they're not entirely sure why.

🥛 Flat White

You consider yourself a coffee person. You know the difference between a flat white and a latte (and you'll explain it if prompted). You probably have strong opinions about brunch spots and own at least one quality kitchen gadget you rarely use.

🌿 Oat Milk Latte

You have a tote bag. You've watched a documentary this month. You're the person in the group chat who finds the best new café before anyone else does. You're genuinely lovely but can be difficult to shop for at Christmas.

🍦 Frappuccino / Iced Blended Drink

You are here to have a good time, and you make no apologies for it. You understand that life is short and sometimes you want a drink that tastes like dessert at 9 AM. Chaotic good energy. Everyone likes you at parties.

🫖 "I'll just have a tea, actually"

You are the wildcard. Either deeply traditional, mildly rebellious about the whole coffee culture thing, or you just had a bad experience with espresso in 2018 and haven't forgiven it yet. Either way, you are valid.

🍬 Caramel Macchiato with Extra Syrup

You know what you like and you like what you know. You are loyal, warm, and probably very good at gift-giving. You've been going to the same coffee shop for years and the barista knows your name. That's actually goals.

🧊 Cold Brew, No Ice

You did your research. You planned this. You may have a spreadsheet about something in your life right now. You are efficient and perhaps slightly too online, but in an endearing way.

Take the Mini Quiz!

Not sure which category you fall into? Ask yourself these questions:

  • Do you ask for oat/almond/soy milk? +1 Oat Milk Latte
  • Is your order under three words? +1 Black Coffee
  • Does your order involve a pump of something? +1 Caramel Macchiato
  • Did you Google "best cold brew ratio" this year? +1 Cold Brew
  • Do you feel slightly superior when you order? +1 Flat White

The Verdict

Whatever you're ordering, the real truth is this: coffee is personal, life is short, and anyone who judges you for your order needs to mind their business. Order your joy. Sip it proudly.

Now go forth and caffeinate accordingly. ☕